I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
