I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Come share oat with me in your robe
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
