Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
