anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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