I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
