so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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