one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
