Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
