so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
