I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
