i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
