like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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