I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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