youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
