the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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