Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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