Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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