i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
