11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
