mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
