Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My life is pants optional.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
