I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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