You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
