We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
