If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
