Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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