I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
