I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
