i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
