Have you finally orgasmed yet?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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