Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
