Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
