i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
