Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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