I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Randomize
