Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
