I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
