You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
