Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
