I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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