I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
