Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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