There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
