dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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