As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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