Ambien. No doubt about it.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
