Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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