He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
