If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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