bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
