Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
