Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the condom got lost in my hair
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
