is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
