Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
